WHEN YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE OF EVERYTHING

You may be wondering why all my posts refer to wretchedness or angst.  I am not disheartened, that is what I want to consider too.  I have been breathing my life for more than 40 years.  My upbringing is a blissful one.  I know that I have done so many mistakes in the past, or maybe in my past life.  Through these, I am paying all my debts in this lifetime.  Now the question was, why me?

I am trying my best what went wrong?  Am I really a horrible person?  Sometimes I am asking myself, I have known several people who are dark-hearted, and yet they are the ones who are in the true state of happiness, if not, richness in life.  Some are lucky because they were born with a silver spoon, but as for me, I have to struggle so hard to give everything that I could for my family, give them at least the comfortability of life.

I have a lot of sighs typing this.   I am not alone, but I feel bare and frustrated.  Enlighten me, what did I do to experience such melancholy?  I want the sense of euphoria.  In the past, I have experienced sheer bliss, but it didn’t last long.  I have been thorough all my life to outline out why am I like this. 

I have 2 siblings.  Both are living in contentment and sanctuary of life.  And significantly I have gratified that at least the universe spared them even they are in my bloodline.  But as of my descendants, I hope they will live a bountiful and fruitful life.  That is the only wish that I want this universe to give me.

When you are lost, you seek for the light, and when you are you unpromising, thus, you tend to seek for salvation.  With my case, I was designed to give what I could give, and that is to give my all.  I allocate what I have.  Make every lonely human being intact again; give them the green light, if not the golden light, and that is whether it is bodily, ethically or spiritually.  The cosmos designed me to cope up and help the misplaced souls.  Uplifting and inspiring the morale’s of every single person that has crossed paths with me is my only liberation.  Is that even fair?  But who lifts me up? 

I sought to give up.  But every instance I turn back and gaze who will be left behind, I manage to just shrug off this nonsense.  After all, this is life, and life is worth living…