YOUNG AND FREE

When I was younger,  back in the days when life was easy, I closed my eyes, & prayed that it was 1980.

The house seemed so full. The sound of the coconut husk, brushing and scrubbing the floor. It was 10:00am, it is the time I usually wake up. My mama always wakes me up at this hour. Everyone was busy, just the usual ordinary day. My uncle is in the kitchen prepping my breakfast, because I was always the last one to wake up. But hey it's a Saturday!

As I sat down in the dining area. Looking at my breakfast. There is my usual milk made by my grandma, my Mama Ba. She would always make me a glass of warm milk made with that alpine with some sugar.  I liked it better than any other milk. Then there is fried rice, "tuyo", sunny side up-over easy, pandesal and butter. Yes, that is our usual breakfast. There were times it was that hamonado, or other cold cuts. But it is a daily basis having eggs on the table.

I was 5 years old. How do these oldies think I would consummate such food? I just stare and must finish at least a bite and succumbed to my favorite Saturday show - The Looney Tunes, Mickey and friends and whoever is showing on TV.

This is my typical weekend in this household... Weekend's are the best days of my when I was a child.

I only have one brother. That time he was only a baby. We were 5 years apart. I haven't had much of a memory of him because everyone adores him. I don't have much time to play with him.

As we grew up. We were like cats and dogs. We fought alot. And mama would usually say that she will just hand us a knife to kill each other. But those were just metaphors.  I love my brother.  We always play games. We were so close. But I always bully him because he was a cry-baby.  And I make fond of him all the time. 

As I remember my childhood days. It was fun. My other playmate was Diday. Our family adopted her. She was like a sister. She taught me so much. I remembered she taught me how to ride a bicycle because during those days I was just watching her and our friends riding a bike. I will just cling to her and say that I want to learn.  It was summer time. We would go to Onyx Street to rent a bike. Normally I will just ride with her "angkas".  But she would always complain how heavy I am. So we switched seats, I was in front of her driving the pedal and she would handle the maneuver.  Until such a time that we both get tired. And I told her to teach me. One night, we were in Zapiro Street, just across our home...

WHEN YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE OF EVERYTHING

You may be wondering why all my posts refer to wretchedness or angst.  I am not disheartened, that is what I want to consider too.  I have been breathing my life for more than 40 years.  My upbringing is a blissful one.  I know that I have done so many mistakes in the past, or maybe in my past life.  Through these, I am paying all my debts in this lifetime.  Now the question was, why me?

I am trying my best what went wrong?  Am I really a horrible person?  Sometimes I am asking myself, I have known several people who are dark-hearted, and yet they are the ones who are in the true state of happiness, if not, richness in life.  Some are lucky because they were born with a silver spoon, but as for me, I have to struggle so hard to give everything that I could for my family, give them at least the comfortability of life.

I have a lot of sighs typing this.   I am not alone, but I feel bare and frustrated.  Enlighten me, what did I do to experience such melancholy?  I want the sense of euphoria.  In the past, I have experienced sheer bliss, but it didn’t last long.  I have been thorough all my life to outline out why am I like this. 

I have 2 siblings.  Both are living in contentment and sanctuary of life.  And significantly I have gratified that at least the universe spared them even they are in my bloodline.  But as of my descendants, I hope they will live a bountiful and fruitful life.  That is the only wish that I want this universe to give me.

When you are lost, you seek for the light, and when you are you unpromising, thus, you tend to seek for salvation.  With my case, I was designed to give what I could give, and that is to give my all.  I allocate what I have.  Make every lonely human being intact again; give them the green light, if not the golden light, and that is whether it is bodily, ethically or spiritually.  The cosmos designed me to cope up and help the misplaced souls.  Uplifting and inspiring the morale’s of every single person that has crossed paths with me is my only liberation.  Is that even fair?  But who lifts me up? 

I sought to give up.  But every instance I turn back and gaze who will be left behind, I manage to just shrug off this nonsense.  After all, this is life, and life is worth living… 

WHEN LIFE SCREWS YOU

Have you ever been in love?
Have you ever been crazy in love?
Have you ever been dumped?
Have you ever been dead?  Dead as if life has taken its toll...

Have you ever been in misery?
Have you ever been down and out?
Have you ever been at the verge and edge of sanity?
Have you ever been giving up all that is left of you?

When you were empty handed, and the universe has given you everything that you needed in a silver platter, and then has taken back again, and what do you do?  Do you curse the stars?  Or do you beg the sun to shine back again on you?

The universe will not give you both worlds.  If you want to be in love, then suffer the consequence of feeling the pain of poverty.

Will you choose love over power?  Power gives you everything that you need.  Whereas love...  What does it give you?  Sheer happiness, blissful life, the glorious charade... and what else?

You will never know what life gives you until you tasted both worlds.

It is your choice... and live by it.