Tuesday, November 22, 2016

February 14th

It was the wee hours of the night. I was lying down in bed. Having the cool breeze of the air-con, it was a comfortable place to doze of to Dream Land, however I couldn't get that sleep. I was tossing and turning...  I was browsing my mobile, surfed the net, and tried to figure out my old webpage account, and amidst that,  I somehow re-activated it, and found these lovely photos.  Speaking of the pictures,  it was somewhere 2000-2002, were HD copies were not yet concise

These were taken on a Valentines Day.  I organized somehow to ask my Uncles to wear red,  I made a simple pasta, and some canape's, It was just an ordinary day, but I want to remember that these were parts of our family

It was a mixture of pain and happiness when I saw these.  I remembered our old ancestral home.  It was one of the days of my existence here on earth.  I miss them.  My Grandma Mama Ba, as we call her.  Whenever I close my eyes,  I can feel her warm embrace,  I can still hear her soft sweet voice, and every time we talked,  I know that up and wherever she is now, she misses me too.  It hurts every single moment that I thought that she was just there in Manila, but then I always figured that she is already gone... The tears that kept flowing in my eyes seemed so hard to erase... like the memory of her face...

I miss the way you scold me, the way you laugh, the way you cook, the way you fixed my stuff, the clothes in my cabinet are always so tidy,  I miss your smell, the touch of your hands in my hair,  I just miss you each and every single day, ever since you went away.  I dont know how to stop crying and weeping whenever I think of you,  I know that these are repressed feelings when you left me.

This past few months,  I feel so alone,  please Mama Ba, wherever you are, kindly help and guide me, as I am now so desperately sad, lonely, and helpless.  I wish there is a hotline in heaven, wherein I can just give you even a minutes of call, to ask how are you doing,  and tell you how is my day like.  I dont really know if you see us, especially me everyday,  cause if you do, can you please give me a hug, because I badly needed that now.

I hate how life turned out ever since you were gone.  I miss our life back then, when everything are all in place.  The sound of the old house, and the people inside of it are still here in my memory.

I love you each and every single moment of my life.

I miss you every time I remember your name.

I hope that someday, we will meet again, and tell you how life is on earth from the day that you left...